Shhhh . . . Millie's Sleeeeeeping

Being geriatric, she slept a lot. I have so many photos of her sleeping; I just loved her squishy face:

 

This was hysterical! Her ear kept falling into the water & she'd wake up & twitch it out of the way & then slowly as she fell back asleeeeep, it would lower into the water & start all over again.

Falling asleep with her foot in her food bowl.

I have so many dog beds & when I vacuum, I stack them. So it was obvious to Millie that this was an invitation to sleep!

Notice that she has her bone by her side?

So many dog beds and often she didn't lie on them!

Morning light.

One of my favourite photos. She looks so content in the afternoon sunlight.

Christmas time. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz . . . .

She used to run & woof in her sleep. Here she is waking herself up growling . . . and going back to sleep.

  

I loved how her body would spill off her bed:

Or whatever she happened to be lying on.

Millie's Version of TV

One of Millie's favourite spots inside was on her bed in front of the living room window, overlooking the front field. This was her version of  TV: turkey, squirrels, rabbits, deer, trains, cars,  hawks & eagles, people coming up the drive and the occasional bear. One day she was barking & I followed her line of sight and waaaaay off in the distance was a faint white line of an airplane trail going across the sky.

"Whatcha lookin' at, Mil?" I'd say.

Perhaps ice on the river.

Neighbor Dave on his tractor was a familiar sight.

On this particular day, Millie was barking at something. I looked out the window to follow her line of sight & realized she was watching debris floating down the flooded river. That's how I found out it was flooded! Every time a tree or something BIG would go down, she'd woof!

See the wild turkey?

Turkeys & their chicks this summer.

And deer . . .

Bonus!  All at the same time!

2 beds to boost her up so she could see better.

More turkeys.

I loved looking at the expression on her face; brow furrowed, so intent.

She did sometimes face the other way . . .

Millie was good at finding the one slippery spot without carpet & plopping down & getting stuck. [I have an early post of duct taping carpet to floors so she wouldn't get stuck.] I finally wedged these 2 beds together so there was no room for her to slip off. This doubled as a great bed for the 2 youngest nieces when they came for a visit.

And when the entertainment was over, she'd lie down and rest . . .

or take a snooze . . . 

Zzzzzz . . . .

M&M Monday: My Sweet Millie

Friday I had to say goodbye to Millie. I already did a blog post about her last day, but I wanted to pay tribute to her life. As I was sifting thru thousands of photos, I realized I'd have to break this up into separate posts, so this week will be all about Millie.

This was the picture that made me fall in love; sweet Millie in a state of JOY.

It took me a year and half to consider getting another dog after Barkley, and then Remi, died. They were my mother-son labweilers. Until them, I never understood Dog People & I never thought I'd become one. To paraphrase John Morgan, there are 2 kinds of people: dog lovers & those who don't get it. I got it. Having  dogs in my life has made it richer than I could ever imagine. The depth of my grief over Remi's death was in proportion to how much I loved him. But I missed the companionship and the nuzzles and all of everything that comes with having a dog.

So I found my way onto Petfinder and saw the photo above; 2 senior, labweiler sisters. And I knew they were coming home to me. I knew how to care for senior dogs; Barkley lived to be 15 1/2, & Remi was 13 1/2. More than that, their story was heartbreaking.

They had found their way to AARF, a rescue organization in Richmond. They were brought in by a woman who had watched a man pulled over in a white truck on Jefferson Davis Highway. He got out and dumped both dogs off on the side of the road and drove away. They sat there waiting. He never came back.Who could do such a thing?

When I first got them, I thought they were coming home to hospice care; I didn't expect them to live for more than 6 months. Millie in particular seemed more frail with a host of health issues--skin condition, ear infection, allergies, and the creakiness of old age. But both girls slowly came back to life as we spent our days together. I have been fortunate enough to have a job that lets me work from home, and living out in the wilderness, I didn't leave the house much, anyway. So I was able to give them lots of consistent attention throughout the day.

Because they were old & had already had a lifetime without me, I couldn't really train them. Rather, I had to let them teach me what they already knew. I learned many things; they were leash trained, house trained, and they had good manners--no begging. I could tell that they had once been in a household where they were used to being loved; they didn't flinch when I lifted my hand to pet them and they lay on the floor and let me step over and around them. Someone had loved these girls before they ended up abandoned on a Richmond highway.

They looked so much alike, that it was difficult to tell them apart.  When I first got her, one of the physical differences between Millie & Maggie was that her front legs were thicker, due to, (I think) lymph fluid build up. After a few massage sessions, her legs were down to normal.

Millie's first week with me.

I soon learned not just physical differences, but personality differences as well. Millie was a bit . . . grumpier than Maggie. Maggie thumped her tail "hello" if I looked at her and was immediately by my side. Millie never wagged her tail, and was a bit more cautious around me.

Every night I would settle onto the floor and massage & Reiki her. As soon as the theme song for Ellen came on, both girls knew it was time for some lovin'.  For the longest time, I didn't even touch her lower back & hips; she was too sensitive & would give a slight warning growl. One of the aspects of healing that I learned from Chloe Wordsworth was that you must wait to be invited in when doing any healing modality.  So I did a lot of work around and over the area until I could get my hands on her back to do some myofascial release. I realized she didn't wag her tail because she couldn't. She had restricted range of motion and it was just too painful. She was grouchy because she was in a lot of physical discomfort. I surmised that this was more than old-age-arthritis, but that she'd had some sort of injury.

After several sessions, I was finally able to release her hips. She did a big stretch, made a groany sound, and then wagged her tail. :-)  She wagged her tail! From then on, while she was not the serial wagger that Maggie was, she was definitely a waggy girl. The sweetest thing was when I got up one night to get a drink of water and I heard a thump-thump-thump of a tail on the floor. I assumed it was Maggie, but it was not. It was Millie. So sweet. One of the sweetest things was to see her wag her tail in her sleep.

Waking up ritual: I loved how she would reach out her paw to stretch against my leg.

It was after these nightly sessions that Millie and I really bonded. I loved how Millie's toes would curl when I worked on her back legs. She would stretch and curl, stretch and curl. Her favourite nuzzling spot was the crook in her nose. She would position her head under my fingers and move it around as I did a scratchy thing. She also loved when I scratched under the axillary area of her front legs (sort of the armpit area). And it was gratifying to hear and feel her take a deep sigh and really relax.

She was a nuzzler; into my hands, or:

. . . into things on the floor, like bedding, or . . .

. . .  my computer bag, or . . .

. . . Maggie's paws.  Front . . .

. . . and back.

While Maggie's love and loyalty were immediate, Millie's trust and devotion had to be earned. She had to know that I was going to touch her in a kind and loving way. How do you express love? Dave Dobson used to say that the sensation of touch communicated a sense of place in the world. You're here and you matter.  After a previous life of probable neglect & subsequent abandonment, I wanted both dogs to know that they were in a safe and loving place and that they were home. By providing this place for them, they in turn, made it a home for me.

Millie's Good-Bye

She went downhill very fast. She'd been having problems getting up; her hips were really bothering her. She had a specific panicky kind of bark when she was stuck on a slippery surface and couldn't get traction to get up. This was why I covered every bit of floor that I could & secured it with duct tape; so that she wouldn't get stuck. But she started doing it on the back porch at the River House & then she'd bark that Help me, I can't get up bark. So then she'd sit up and then I'd help lift her back up to a standing position and then she could walk.

She didn't like the new house. I could tell she missed her favourite window in the living room to look out across the front field. Even if she could see out the window here, there isn't the wild life or trains or planes or anything else to entertain her. Just the driveway with trees. I thought she might like the back porch, but she went out once & never wanted to go out again.  Not like when we were at the River House.

On Tuesday, I had the TV/internet installed. As a Comcast guy was walking by her, she did a slow motion snappy-bite at him; v. uncharacteristic! Wednesday she would only drink the soupy part of her food and Thursday morning she woke me up at 1a with her Help me, I can't get up bark. She was on the runner by the front door & I thought she might want to be in the LR on carpet or on a bed. So I tried to help her up and she reached around and BIT my arm. I still have an egg-sized bruise to remember her by. She barked periodically thru the night, but stopped barking when I came to her.

Thursday morning my friend Susan called out of the blue. I told her I couldn't move Millie and she couldn't get up. She suggested I do a Reiki attunement on her. Hadn't thought of that--nothing else I was doing was working. So I did and she calmed down. And fell asleep. After that, John Morgan called and suggested I use a broom to maneuver her--which would save my arm or any other fleshy appendages she happened to get near. I used the broom handle to get a towel under her and then I was able to lift her up like I had done with Maggie when she had her vertigo. She was grumbly about it, be we managed to get outside. As I was helping her along, I thought that maybe she was having vertigo like Maggie had last year.

When we got back into the house, I took her back into my office so she could be with me as I worked.  I couldn't get her up to go outside again after that. She wouldn't eat, but would take a bit of water and a treat. I made a vet appointment for Friday morning in Richmond, but canceled it because I couldn't get her up. I called my old vet in Luray and made another appointment for the afternoon. In the meantime, I was checking in with my brother to see if he could help me get her loaded into the car. He was stuck in meetings all morning and couldn't get away. He gave me the number of a mobile vet that makes house calls, so I left a message on their machine and then I called back every 20 minutes. No call back.

Friday she wouldn't even drink water or take any treats. When Maggie came near her, she grumbled and growled a Stay away from me growl. I was beside myself with grief; knowing that this was the beginning of the end. John Morgan called for an update. She was sitting at my feet, towel still wrapped around her back. He told me to ask my neighbor to help me. I'd been holding out for my brother to help me or the home visit vet to call. I canceled the Luray appointment and got the number for Claws & Paws, a few miles down the road.

Last picture of Millie, in my office.

SO SWEET.

Hi, you don't know me, but can you help me get my dog into the car? I was standing on Neighbor Thomas's front porch weeping. He was very kind. We'd met briefly on the day I closed on the house and I'd met his little Jack Russel & sweet Rottweiler. We managed to get a blanket under Millie and carried her to the car. It was the first time I'd separated Millie & Maggie. When I first got them, I needed to take Millie to the vet and she refused to get off the porch without Maggie. And Maggie stood behind the closed french doors howling. And then Millie started howling. So in the end, I ended up always taking them together no matter who the actual patient was.

Neighbor Thomas told me that Claws & Paws was his vet, and that they were really nice. It was not very far, but everything seemed in slow motion. I knew what I was driving there to do. No matter that I've done this before, it's the hardest thing. I know--I know. She was old and in pain and infirm. It's the humane thing to do. Still hard. Still horrible. The best of good-byes always are. I was just trying to see thru my tears as I'm also trying to find a place I've never been to before. Not the easiest thing for me in the best of circumstances.

I wiped my face & blew my nose & went in. I stood at the front desk and as soon as the receptionist looked at me I started crying again. She handed me a clip board & I stared at the form. Where do I live? What's my address? What's my phone number? I couldn't remember any of it. I'm sorry, I can't remember any of this. I just moved here.  I consulted my phone. The other receptionist handed me a tissue. Thank you. I finished filling out the form and went back to the car and crawled into the back with Millie and snuggled in with her. I stroked the crook of her nose, her favourite spot. I told her how much I loved her and how she made my life so much richer for being in it. I thanked her for being in my life and my heart, and for making my house a home. I was thinking of all the sweet, quirky things she did and how she made me laugh and how she made my heart melt with her sweetness.

The vet came out to assess her and pointed out the lack of muscle in her hind legs and how bony her head was. I told her I thought it was time to let her go, but I wanted her professional opinion because I couldn't make this decision all on my own. She said she thought it was time to say goodbye. She went back in to get the euthanasia paraphernalia and came back out with an assistant. I said, "You didn't know her, but she was a really wonderful dog." And the vet said, "I can tell that she was very special." Whether that is true or not, it was such a kind thing to say. They were both so wonderful. Millie drifted off as I continued to stroke her nose. Then they lifted her out of the car.

I waited in the car for the final paper work and the assistant came out with a plaster cast of Millie's paw print.  How sweet and thoughtful is that? It made me cry even more.

 And so here we are, just me & Maggie & Tabby. She's not whining or howling. I've been putting Ingatia in her water. She seems to be OK. Last night I gave her athe rest of her Mercola dental bone. She's never eaten one. Millie used to wolf hers down and Maggie would sit there and lick it. Then she'd carry it around & leave it on her bed. I'd get it & put it with the new bones to give her the next time I gave Millie one. Millie had managed to get a bite out of this one but I rescued it because they're not supposed to have more than one a day. This morning she took the bone out with her and sat down in the grass and ate it. I sat on the porch steps with my tea and watched her. I thought how death is so . . . permanent. And some changes are, too. Good-bye, sweet Millie. I love you.

Update from the New Homestead

I just downloaded my most recent photos--all 248!  So here are just a few:

Maggie & Millie in the new yard.

Tabby has found a new scratching place.

Maggie on the front porch, Tabby down below.

First full day here. Millie on the back porch. She really misses her window in the River House LR!

All 3 in the back yard.

A familiar sight: M&M snoozing away in my office.

View out my office window. Why did I take this photo?

I was getting a pic of Tabby.

Hullo.

Chiro-sis came for a vizzie with baby Rowan--who is v. BAI (Busy And Important) on the phone. Maggie in the foreground.

Tabby being child-friendly.

Demonstrating how the dog ramp works & clapping each time! He kept coming up . . .

. . . and going down!

And that's all I got for now.