Sunday, May 24, 2009

Day of Rest

'member saying grace?

God is good,
God is great,
Let us thank Him for our . . .

I'm sorry, what was that? OH . . . God is SUFFICIENT. So He's not good or great? Oh, He is-- but also sufficient. I see. And apparently He likes ice cream because He's on a Tastee Freez sign. Because God is like ice cream. You have the basic concept of ice cream, and then everyone gets to choose what flavor God they want.

Mother: Billy, what flavor do you want?
Billy: Can I have a large Loving God?
Cashier: Do you want sprinkles with that?
Billy: Oh, yes!

[Enter unspecified Christian preacher] I'll take a small, sugar-free, fat-free Wrathful God.
Cashier: Do you want sprinkles with that?
Preacher: NO, but can you add some smiting to it?

[Enter 2 friends]
Friend 1: I've never been here before. What should I order?
Friend 2: Well, there's Patriarchy which most people order or you could try Matriarchy. My family is Patriarchy so I'm Patriarchy.
Friend 1: I'll try a small Shakti Surprise.
Cashier: Do you want sprinkles with that?
Friend 2: And I'll have the Traditional Everyone-else-is-wrong.
Cashier: What size?
Friend 2: Can I have that in Cathedral? No, make it a Vatican.
Cashier: Do you want sprinkles with that?

Drivethru window order: Can I have a small, plain non-denominational? [to friend in car] Do you want anything?
Friend: No, I don't believe in dairy.
Driver: That's all!
Cashier: Bless you. That's $2.50, please drive around.

Oh, the flames of hell are licking my heels for this one. I think I'm channeling Eddie Izzard this morning. Feel free to . . . flame me in the comments. ;-) XM Radio Guy Bill Hutton emailed: Does this make the Holy Mother the Dairy Queen? Hahahaha Have a GLORIOUS day.

With S P R I N K L E S

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