Friday, June 29, 2007

Quote-of-the-Day & The End of a Pity Party

"What is to give light must endure burning." ~Victor Frankl

I forget until I remember sometimes, that whenever I'm stewing in a toxic dose of self pity, focused more on loss than on the gratitude of what I do have--it's good to remember Victor. Because no matter how bad I think I could have it, it will never be what he went through. And the thing I remember from his book, Man's Search for Meaning, is that we can lose it all, but we still have the choice of how we think and what to focus on. And above all, when everything is lost, there is always, always the presence of LOVE. There is no need to let go when you open your heart. When the heart is full, there is room for nothing else--no dark corners of resentment or grief.

So today I choose LOVE.

And with that LOVE is its partner, GRATITUDE. And in feeling grateful, I feel open to the miracles of life. I am so very grateful. For all of it. THANK YOU. :-)

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Labyrinth Mourning

I was told it would stay. I thought it would be safe. And I don't know why I was surprised. Shocked, really. But, this Labyrinth Gal, a member of The Labyrinth Society, who created a BEAUTIFUL backyard labyrinth she tended for 7 years, who wrote a CD based on the labyrinth, created a labyrinth website, who facilitates seminars based on the labyrinth, creates walking labyrinth canvases and paints labyrinth art...this gal is grieving the loss--
no-- the hateful destruction, of her labyrinth.

I could have dismantled it. I thought I had time. Last Friday I had to go back to WV to get things that were "forgotten" from my checklist. (Oh, you mean you wanted ALL the parts of the bed frame)? And when I went to walk the labyrinth, there was nothing there. And then I found it: the pile of rocks, gravesite of my labyrinth at the edge of the woods. I picked through rocks looking for my favourites. And then there she was: my labyrinth angel in the debris. Her wing tip broken, but still blowing a kiss. The angel I had asked about and was told another "I Told You." I told you to get your angels out of the yard. That's right, stupid angels! All ONE of them left after the rest had been mysteriously decapitated--blamed on the weed wacker.

The labyrinth was a reward to myself for having lived without septic for 6 months. The septic company was family-owned and I stood there with the 3 brothers as they surveyed the yard. And I am NOT making this up, they were the BUTTS BROTHERS. It's a common name in the area, perfect for a septic company...or proctologists. For 6 months I washed dishes in a work sink that drained into a five gallon bucket that I emptied in the woods. I went to the laundry mat for the whole family. Afterall, I grew up in a dome, I can weather this.

And when the new septic went in, they cleared the woods in the backyard. And there was the perfect place to put it. When I first built it, there was a majestic tree that stood almost in the center, but a bulldozer had grazed some of the bark. It only had one branch that was green with leaves. So I muscle checked what healing modality it needed. And then dutifully stood at the base of the tree with a tuning fork. There, I thought. Now it will get better. And the tree died. And that's when I learned that sometimes healing comes not in life, but in death.

I knew every rock, every turn of the labyrinth. I loved it through the seasons and the years. On my CD I talk about how one spring I came out to see hundreds of violets blooming on the path. What a GLORIOUS site that was! And once I found a four leaf clover. I have a knack for that. I gathered plants and made labyrinth tea before I mowed every week: dandelion, red raspberry leaf, clover...Once as I was sitting in the center, I looked up to see a speckled fawn just on the perimeter. And whenever I walked, through snow or a summer's day, my cat Vixen would come join me. I have such happy memories and I am so grateful. It has been my creative inspiration, a place of peace, and a source of JOY.

And now I'm gone, and it's gone and it doesn't matter. That house doesn't deserve my labyrinth.
It's easy to hide behind a "real estate agent" and say that there isn't a market for that kind of "rock garden." It was more than a rock garden. But then, pearls before swine prolly just look like pebbles.

In the RGC...

This morning, around 1.30-ish, I heard a gunshot near by. Then another.

Oh. Fireworks.

Silly me.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Dial-up, Laundry, & the Wilderness

I am settled in to my new place on the Shenandoah River. I am 14 miles and half an hour away from the nearest town of Luray. Now I know the true meaning of a "country mile." I am literally the last person in Page County. It's just across from where my mother lives, and where my father took us fishing when we were kids. Lots of happy memories and I am de-Lighted to be in the wilderness. I am definitely a country gal--I'm even hanging up laundry on the line.
There is wild life all around my yard: rabbits, bambis, wild turkeys with their chicks, & foxes. And allegedly bears--altho I've not seen any yet. And ticks the size of freckles--Eeeewww!

When I called to get high speed/wireless/etc. the lady just laughed. So I'm stuck in the 20th century with dial-up for the time being. Chug...chug...chug....and I have successfully failed at uploading any pictures--v. frustrating for a visual gal. So I will do all photos from the internet cafe in Luray--which is closed this week for a vacation. I spoze I could sit on their steps & tippy-tap away...but I'll wait. I have an awesome photo of the road to my postbox that goes with the David Whyte poem. That will have to wait.

Anyway, don't know how exciting my blog will be as I'm transitioning through this time...will aspire to keep it entertaining, if only for Mum. :-)


if you move carefully
through the forest

like the ones
in the old stories

who could cross
a shimmering bed of dry leaves
without a sound,

you come
to a place
whose only task

is to trouble you
with tiny
but frightening requests

conceived out of nowhere
but in this place
beginning to lead everywhere.

Requests to stop what
you are doing right now,

to stop what you
are becoming
while you do it,

that can make
or unmake
a life,

that have patiently
waited for you,

that have no right
to go away.

~David Whyte, from Everything is Waiting for You