WWJT?

What Would Jesus Tweet?

@mothermary what time is the wedding? Should I bring something? All I got is water.

Dear @moneylenders No, I'm not sorry. You should be ashamed. Lucky for you this isn't the Old Testament or you'd be in 4 some smiting.

Check out new blog post on revised & simplified 10 commandments. I edited it down to just 2. You're welcome.

2 commandments: Love God with all thy heart. Love thy neighbor as thyself. P.S. Loving thy neighbor implies not killing them, etc.

@peter Come, follow me. Fish on Friday?

Follow Friday @matthew @mark @luke @john

@lazarus take up your bed and walk.

Yes I CAN swim, it was just easier to walk on water that day. Sheesh. Should I swim in the earth for you, too?

@james Where are the fish & loaves? Must I do EVERYTHING? Oh, never mind, I'll take care of it.

In the market square hangin with @harlotmary and @disciples. Put down your stones, people! Nothing to see, here!

@SisterMary thanks for the reflexology and aromatherapy. OMG my feet feel fantastic!

To the woman who touched my robe: you're healed. You're welcome.

RT@blindbutnowcansee Thank God for Jesus!

Going back home to Nazareth with @joseph @mothermary @harlotmary & @disciples

Hey tweeps, going to the desert, back in 40 days.

Sitting in the garden with @God talking about cups.

Heading back into Jeruselum to have dinner with my homies.

@peter Yes! See you there! Happy to have such a faithful follower.

LOL Good one! RT @eddieizzard "Take this wine, it's a merlot."

@judas Really? For 30 pieces of silver? #thissucks

To the guy who speared me: I forgive you.

Forgiveness for everyone! It's on me. You're welcome.

@mothermary & @harlotmary go to the cave in 3 days. I've got a surprise for you.

@thomas NOW do you believe? Sheesh.

OK, tweeps. That's it for now. Go out and do good works, I'll be back in a coupla 1000 years.

Happy Easter from Eddie Izzard

I couldn't find the clip of the convo between Jesus & God:
God: Jesus, you've got to go down there, start a new religion.
Jesus: Awww, Daaaad...what's Mum think of all this?

Jesus: I said, "Take this wine, it is my blood."
God: You said what? Why couldn't you just say, "Take this wine, it's a merlot?"

Hahahaha Happy Easter, everyone! Going over to Pioneer Sister's for an egg hunt. YAY!

Day of Rest & HAPPY Easter

Jesus picture from XM Radio Guy.

It's a BEAUTIFUL springy day. I was going to write a parody to Jesus Christ Is Risen Today, but I have a treasure hunt to prepare for this afternoon. But it starts like this:

Happy Easter, Lent is over,

Ahhhhhh-leluah!

Doesn't really seem worth writing that part down, does it? Here's my blog post--now you finish it. ;-) I'm tippy-tapping this with Eddie Izzard in my head. Just imagine a male British accent in lipstick and high heels. Got it? OK. He does a v. funny bit about religions and Easter. You can google him on youtube. HAPPY Easter--now go eat some chocolate. ;-) H.

Happy Getmas

If my brother wrote a comic strip, it would be Brewster Rocket: Space Guy. When his 4 year-old daughter runs up to me with the Vulcan hand-sign and says, "Live long and prosper," you understand why I'd make that leap. Anyway, in the comic strip, Christmas is called "Getmas," aptly describing the state of our consumeristic society of stuff-getting. Oooh, nice alliteration....

There are all sorts of FW's and articles and pleas to remember the reason-for-the-season, in the midst of all the frantic gift-giving/getting. So I won't repeat it here. What I will say is prolly going to sound...like I've entered an older generation that longs for simpler days. Not quite the horse 'n' buggy era, BUT...

[Cue music and put on Granny Voice]

When I was a young girl, I wasn't raised with Santa. Mum never told me a fat guy in a red suit was going to leave gifts for me or my sibs. Now, we did celebrate and have a tree with the lights, but we got the "spirit-of-Christmas" talk. One of my favourite memories is Mum waking me up to take me to my first Christmas Eve mass. The whole experience of it--intangible and lovely...the car ride there looking at the lights and the beautiful songs and the stained glass windows. BEAUTIFUL.

In kindergarten I had a conversation with a friend and she was explaining all about Santa. Really? I asked. But I was skeptical because she was also the one who told me Jesus gave us scabs--not randomly, of course, but when you get a scrape or a cut. My dad, who knew everything when I was in kindergarten, explained that scab-making was left to the innate intelligence of my body. So you see, I didn't buy into the Santa Thing, and I thought that Jesus prolly had more important things to do than give me scabs when I needed them.

I have a picture of one Christmas with my stepson where he is sitting in front of a MOUNTAIN of STUFF. Stuff that I would spend the next year cleaning off his floor and gradually throwing away. Happy Getmas. It was the guilt of divorce and the competition between two wounded parents that contributed to this frenzied gift opening where it was almost like a race to see what was next.

So we came up with the Jesus Christmas Rule of Three Gifts. This is how it goes: Jesus got three gifts. Are you saying you're better than Jesus? All right, then. What do you really want? It eliminated the stocking STUFFers and the superfluous. And they weren't deprived--they still had grandma & grandpa, aunts & uncles from both sides of the family. Plenty of more stuff to clean up for the next year. Pah-lenty.

On this first day of Christmas,
and the eleven more to follow into a new year,
I wish you all the gifts of the Spirit of Christmas:
loving kindness, compassion and hope for better times.
Wherever you are in this world,
wherever you are in your world,
I wish you PEACE.
The kind that passeth all understanding.
'Tis the season to open hearts
to receive the greatest gifts of Spirit
the kind that are wrapped in God's LOVE.

Merry Getmas. And Merry Christmas, too. :-) H.