A coupla jokes

I've been a bit under the weather this week, laryngitis & whatnot. John told me a joke earlier this week from his days as Chuck Taylor in Wilkes-Barre:

Sports Dude: Coach, I got leprosy.
Coach: Walk it off!

This is Chuck Taylor-worthy from Peter Shankman, founder of HARO.

Woman goes shopping for turkeys at the supermarket, but they're all really small, and she has to feed a whole family. She says to the stockboy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" "No, ma'am," he replies. "They're dead."

Hahahaha :-)

Snail Rock

This is a rock I painted when I was 12. My mother has kindly packed it through several moves and it always sits in her kitchen window. Looks v. labyrinthian and is a glimpse into my future rock-painting endeavors...finding a rock and looking at the shape and letting that be the guide for how it evolves.

And speaking of turtles, this is a joke I first heard from Paul McCartney (in an interview. It wasn't like we were having tea or anything).

A turtle mugged a snail. At the police station, the police officer says, "Tell me what happened." And the snail replies, "I don't know. It all happened so fast."

Hahahahaha! It's all perspective, innit?

19 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

Received this in a FW this a.m. and I laughed out loud. Perhaps, you will, too. Thanks, John.

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it ‘In’.
5. Put Decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks, and once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addiction, switch to Espresso.
6. In the Memo field of all your checks, write ‘For smuggling diamonds’.
7. Finish all your sentences with ‘In accordance with the Prophecy’.
8. Don’t use any punctuation.
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is ‘To Go’.
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask people there why the poems don’t rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re ‘not in the mood’.
16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, “Rock Bottom”.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream ‘I won! I won!’
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling ‘Run for your lives! They’re loose!’
19. Tell your children over dinner, ‘Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go’.