To the Artists

My friend Betsy forwarded me Eric Rhoads newsletter, Coffee with Eric and his blog post, Doing Your Soul Work.  I just LOVED this quote!

Bird graphic from The Graphics Fairy. 

I'm reminded of the story of John Rzeznik of Goo Goo Dolls telling the story of writing Name.  They were a punk band, traveling around in a van and he was approaching 30 and thinking about getting a "real job," and maybe going back to college. Or plumbing school, because apparently he's really good at plumbing, which back in the 80's would not have wowed me, but now I just think, "Oooooh, bathroom remodel!"  :-)  But I squirreled. Anyway, he was having that what-should-I-do-with-my-life? conundrum and sat down on the sofa, and wrote Name, which was their first song on the radio and the rest is rock-n-roll history. 

Here's a clip of him telling the story, but this video is too adorable not to show:

And how could we not include Seth Godin on a conversation about art?  :-)

Goo Goo Gal

This is the T-shirt I made that Chiro-sister & I are wearing in honour of our friend Tereasa's 4oth birthday:

For those who don't know, that's a picture of the lead singer of the Goo Goo Dolls. Tereasa's a huge fan & we're all going to the Richmond concert tonight. YAY, us! Back tomorrow with pics & concert report.

P.S. If you're reading this Johnny Rzeznik, please sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Tereasa! :-)

Peace

, The above quote is lifted from a more personal vs. global ideal. However, the microcosm reflects the macrocosm. We war with ourselves and each other in our families or we take it into the global village. It seems the world is getting smaller and smaller as travel gets faster and the internet is everywhere. We are so connected--except we are not. Not where it really matters. I was thinking about this yesterday when I was on the phone AGAIN with my internet people because I couldn't get online. I was getting a bit impatient and then I took a breath. I stopped thinking about myself & I thought about this kid on the other end of the phone: doing his job, trying to help me. He has a family. He has people he loves and who love him. In short, he's a fellow human being doing his best, as I believe most of us are.

I would hazard a guess that there will be lots of articles and specials on TV marking today's anniversary. There is no easy answer, but I do know this: when we feel peace within, we carry it into the world.

Hallo from Marietta, GA!

I've no uploadability for photos, so they'll have to wait. I'm spending a coupla days with Dr. David Lee. It's turned into a more e-x-t-e-n-d-e-d visit than first planned. I got laryngitis during the Jerry Stocking seminar (more on that later) and it wasn't until this a.m. that I finally stopped denying I've been sick. "It's just laryngitis." The last time I did that, it turned into pneumonia while I was going through massage school, so I thought it best to address it. I'll say more about it when I have photos. Suffice it to say, I'm MUCH better, and should be leaving tomorrow...sometime...whenever...ish.

And now for something completely different...Jerry Stocking through the door of the Goo Goo Dolls:

It takes 36 muscles to smile, and only 4 to stick up your middle finger. ~John Rzeznik
Well, that's how I felt a couple times as I got pissed off. But we're never angry for the reasons we think we are, and it's really just patterns we're running. So I got over it. Eventually. By Day 3 I lost my voice, another pattern. Did that stop the excruciating 3-minute videotape where I had to answer the question What's it like to be you? NO. D'oh!

Jerry showed us Prince's performance at the superbowl where he sang in the rain. He said who else could pull that off? The Goo Goo Dolls at their 4th of July concert, of course. IN THE (non-purple) RAIN.

Everything's wrong, but it's all right. Jerry says if you deny the downside, you ignore 50% of life. And we make ourselves miserable wishing for things to be other than they are. I was struggling through some things [see Rezzie quote above] but I'm stepping out of my own way. I'm making a space not to have to know.

Name My only reference for models is The Devil Wears Prada. A v. famous one was at the seminar. I didn't know her name before, but I recognized her from magazines. Think about what your perceptions might be about models: Now throw them away.

Jerry sent us on a day-long scavenger hunt of sorts. We had to:
*see a dead body or lie in a coffin
*eat a bug [Eeeeewwww!!!]
*buy a pair of shoes for $5 or less and then negotiate a lower price.
*give the shoes to someone who needed them
*sing a song to some senior citizens
*donate an hour's worth of service [I took my percussor to the community center]
*tell a joke to 5 different people:

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Fish.

Yeah, I got nothin'. I followed up with my favourite knock-knock joke:

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you.

*give & receive a hug/kiss from a man and a woman
*get on the radio or TV [60 second interview on the radio]
*get a free lunch
*make a bet with someone
DO ALL OF THIS WHILE STAYING IN PHYSICAL CONTACT WITH YOUR PARTNER.

That last part was v. challenging, especially getting in/out of the car! But we did it all--except for the bug-eating. The first was the dead body. We went to a funeral home and the director kept saying, I think ya'll are on something. So we showed him our list. I think y'all are on something. But he showed us Miss G. who was 2 days shy of her 92nd birthday. Did you know that you can't lie in a coffin? They have steel bars and aren't good for your back. You know, because they're made for dead people. My partner didn't think our free lunch at the community center counted (we attended a going-away party and they had food). We stopped at the end of our v. long day to get tea. Everything is always better when you have a cup of tea, and we were both exhausted. So we went to Crapplebee's first. Not only could we not get a free cup of tea, we couldn't get a server. I counted 8 TV's in the room, and it was so noisy. Not conducive to tea-drinking, anyway. I found a Mom 'n' Pop diner and they had homemade cheesecake with blueberry topping (YUM!!!) Pinkey, the gal behind the counter asked us about our day, and we showed her the list. There was a sign on the counter about entering for a free lunch, and I pointed to it for my partner and said, "Here's your free lunch." Pinkey said, "Would your tea and cheesecake count?" YES!!! So we got 2 free lunches. :-) All in all, an AMAZING day. When we got back, we recounted our experiences to the rest of the group. Then Jerry gave us each a single adjective that we had to use in lieu of any other adjectives. Mine was substantial. Others were terrible, questionable, delicious.

Back to the bug: I realized after talking to Delicious that I had made scary bug-eating pictures in my head. She said, "Just a little, tiny one. No chewing, swallowed with water, very fast." Oh. I was making HUGE pictures in my head of spiders and other creepy-crawlies. How many gnats have I inhaled and swallowed accidentally?! I also was the only person who didn't swim in the pond. Eeewww!!! I made it colder and ickier than it was. When Jerry challenged me to go to jump into the pond, I did it. Thanks to Delicious for going with me. She even offered me her bathing suit except that she couldn't find it. So I took off the top layers and ran in. Not as bad as I had made it out to be. I will remind myself of this when I'm making other molehills into mountains and bugs into watermelons.

So that's all I'll write for now. I'm at Dr. Lee's again tomorrow a.m. and then I'll be on the road on my way back home. Unless I'm not. Will stop in to see the rellies in Richmond. [Treasure hunt a huge hit!] Until then...adieu.

P.S. John Morgan is having a half-off sale with FREE shipping for ALL his products!!! The marketing dept. is streamlining all the products and getting rid of the old packaging (same recordings). Personal faves are Self-Image, I Love My Body, Relax in 2 Minutes. You may want to go see for yourself now. ;-)

Feedback vs. Criticism

I've been thinking about the difference between feedback and criticism since I've been watching The Next Great American Band. Tonight is another episode and another band will go home. There are some great musicians on this show (personal faves 6wire & The Clark Brothers) and it's interesting to watch the judges give feedback and the response from the bands and the audience. And then John Morgan had a great blog post yesterday on this theme called "Burst of Air."

Not that I want to get all L. Ron Hubbard and create my own Dictionary-of-Definitions, BUT this is the distinction I make between criticism and feedback, because I don't think they mean the same thing.

The word criticism, even if it's "constructive," has a negative connotation. Nobody likes to be criticized. It implies that you've done something wrong and it usually comes within the framework of an emotionally charged situation. Criticism doesn't offer solutions and often is taken as an attack, not just on a behaviour, but on the person. The first definition in Webster's for criticize is 1.) "to find fault with; censure." THEN 2.) to "judge or discuss the merits of; evaluate" and THEN 3.) "to judge unfavorably or harshly." I think most people go with options 1 & 3 when thinking of criticism, and who wants to be judged harshly? Think about someone you know who exhibits critical behaviour: are they particularly easy or pleasant to be around? Prolly not.

Feedback, on the other hand, is just that. We get feedback from our environment; a stove is hot, a dog's nose is cold & wet. Dave Dobson tells a wonderful story about how when he was a toddler, he ate a dandelion. And that was his first and last dandelion. Skip the techno-babble and definition about biological processes in Webster's , and feedback is "a reaction or response to a particular process or activity; information derived from such a reaction or response." No judgement, no fault-finding. Feedback is necessary for new learning and new growth and improvement. Feedback from a person can be a suggestion. When I was training in Eric Jensen's Brain-based Learning, we spent a whole day learning how to give directions and feedback. One of the things we did was list at least 3 things that worked in an activity, and then suggest one or two things to try for the next time. They were "opportunities" for improvement; no big deal.

This has something to do with how the brain works. The brain (and your Other-Than-Conscious) is first concerned with safety. Any perceived threat kicks in the fight/flight stress response. So by saying what works, the brain relaxes and is more open to suggestion and doesn't go into defense mode. Unless....

a person isn't open to suggestions or feedback and it's all perceived as criticism. As Michael Gerber says in The E Myth, failed businesses are led by people who spend more time defending what they're doing, than learning new things to make their business grow and evolve. This can be on a personal level. We all know people who take things way too personally and view any suggestion as an attack. And that's useful feedback in itself. There are certain people I don't say anything to because, really-- why bother? They could take a page from don miguel ruiz's Four Agreements, not to take anything personally. So, so hard to do--but WOW. What a difference.

So, back to The Next Great American Band: one of the judges, John Rzeznik from the Goo Goo Dolls gives really great feedback. Feedback, not criticism. And he'll start off with, "You guys were great. You did X, Y, & Z. The only suggestion I have is that you...." But the audience starts booing. Shut up you rude audience! And at one point, John turned to the audience and said something like, "Look, these guys are going to go out into the real world and it's better to hear it from us first." BTW, the bands who have listened to the judges, are still in the running. The Muggs, who agreed with Rude Booing Audience, and Rocket, with their every-song-sounds-the-same, are not.

Who will go home tonight? We shall see...in the meantime, feel free to offer feedback on this post. ;-) H.