Courage

I've been thinking about courage. Some people have said I'm courageous to be living out here in the wilderness by myself with only my big dogs and modern conveniences to keep me company.
I do have neighbors. And I'm across the river from civilization. Sort of.

Years ago, I was standing on top of a Mayan pyramid, Chitzen Itza. The steps were made for tiny feet and were v. steep and it's a lot farther UP once you get to the top and have to look DOWN. I had been there a few years prior, when I discovered a sudden case of acrophobia. But I manage to make it back down to the ground. One step at a time. On my ass.

So here I was climbing for the second time. I reached the top and there, plastered to the side of the wall was a v. stylish woman, wide-eyed with fear. Her husband, speaking French, was standing at the top of the steps facing her with his hand stretched toward her, trying to coax her off the wall. So I watched all this going on. He started off with the Husband Logic: take my hand, it's OK blah blah blah. She didn't budge. Then it disintegrated into his yelling at her: Come on! What are you going to do? Stay up here all day?! Yeah, THAT worked.

I looked at her and said Je sais. [I know] I sat down on the steps and smiled. Comme ca. [Like this] dans notre derrieres. [OMG, did I just say IN our butts?!] She scooted over in her white leather pants. And together we held hands and scooted our way down to the bottom ON our bottoms. YAY, US!!!

So back to courage:

Some people may think that to be couragious is to be fearless. I don't think so. Courage is not a feeling, it's an act. If you're waiting for a feeling, you'll keep waiting. Courage is movement. And to me, the impetus for courage is a perceived lack of choice. How long am I going to stay on top of a pyramid? How long am I going to stay stuck before I do something? And that's the key: the doing part of it. No matter how you feel, because that will change after the doing. And at the bottom of the steps, there may be people laughing with you or at you. There will surely be a few cheering for you. Do it anyway. No matter what people think. Choose courage.